I Lost My Keys (and the Gold)

I needed to be at work, Buttercup was sick and Noel had an orthodontist appointment. Sophisticated engineering is required at a time like this and I was like the downhill skier making record time until she crashes at the bottom of the hill just before the finish line.

Blue Eyes got Noel and Sparkles to school and I cuddle with Buttercup. Then I pick up Noel, meet my in-laws at the orthodontist, switch cars (you know, because of the car seats), my in-laws take Buttercup, I wait at the orthodontist, then bring Noel back to school. I might just be able to catch up on my work (I work from home) if I get started fast….

Then I realize two unfortunately-very-related things. One is that I really, really need to go to the bathroom. The second is, as I pull into my driveway, driving my Father-in-law’s car, I realize I really, really, really am locked out of my house.

My ski tip catches the gate and I land hard, tumbling down the hill.

It took a while to recover. I went to the bathroom at a neighbor’s, but then, you won’t believe this, I lost my Father-in-law’s keys.

Now I am stranded and locked out. I thought that was funny. Well, funny in the way that made me say G$%  D^$*& a lot.

While it is true that I am sometimes a world class skier, I have a unique ability to lose keys. Ask Blue Eyes, he can tell you all about it. I should be studied by brain scientists so they might understand how I can otherwise function normally.

But in my defense, my Father-in-law’s car has one of those new cars where you don’t use the keys to start the car. As long as the keys are somewhere nearby, you can push a button to start the car.

Now, let me tell you, this is a VERY bad idea for people like me who have a unique ability to lose their keys. Since you don’t have to keep track of your keys at two key transition points – when you start and stop the car – all this does is give me a thousand new ways to lose my keys.

I am now four hours behind on my part-time six-hour work day.

I try not to panic.

I push the button to start the car.

The car starts.

Is it better or worse that I the keys are so close, but I still can’t find them?

I frisk myself, feeling every possible pocket in all of my clothes. I take everything out of my purse. I search the car, ah, there they are. I was wearing a jacket earlier, I had thrown the jacket into the back seat, the keys are in the pocket.

I drive to Noel’s school and call her to the office to bring her house key. She thinks that is funny. She had trouble keeping track of her key when we first gave it to her, now she was helping me get back into the house.

My 8:00 start time for work was now 12:30.

So, today, I lost my keys and I lost the gold. I don’t know what to say about that. I’ll keep doing the downhill. I know I’m going to crash some times. I’m good at other things and it all balances out somehow. I will try to remember the good things and the balance the next time I realize I’m stranded and locked out when I need to go to the bathroom.


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  1. Amy

    LOVE the whole car-and-car-seat swapping scenario. Similar to me and E with the bikes & bike helmets; gotta make sure the helmets end up near the kids. Your writing is wonderful!

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