I Wish They Didn’t Look Like Twins

Growing Up AustinTrick-or-treating at the office when you work at home is strange. I used to work in the office and I know people there, but it has been three years and the people I work with the most are in Minneapolis and India.

It was good to see the people I knew, but I spent a lot of the time saying, “Hello, I’m Carol, I really do work here, nice to meet you.”

Then they would like at Sparkles and Buttercup and say, “Are they twins?”

Buttercup is tall for her age and Sparkles is average and they both have the same pretty blue eyes. I heard it fifteen times at least in one afternoon, “Are they twins?”

And I wanted to say, “Yes, Sparkles is a twin, but her twin sister died and I miss her.” Sparkles’ twin, Grace, died soon after she was born.

That probably isn’t appropriate in a work conversation, especially when you have just met, so I just said, “No, they are a year-and-a-half apart.”

I want to remember Grace, but not all the time when I’m meeting new people. I’m lucky and grateful to have both of my girls, I just wish they didn’t look like twins.


11 Responses

Write a Comment»
  1. I HATE this experience. I never realized how often people ask the question is he a twin before. In our case, the surviving kids are 3.5 years apart, so it’s not when they are together, but normally as a result of a comment. Like “his brother had protein intolerance issues” seems to cause people to assume they are twins. Particularly medical people.

    Right after the twins were born, I would actually answer people who asked if he was a twin with some version of the “yes, but his twin sister is dead.” Let’s just say that’s a conversation killer even with medical people.

    Any theory on why people are looking so hard to find twins in the world? Is it just that we as humanity just like twins? Because I’m guessing they don’t really look so much like twins that the simpler explanation would be that they’re sisters and people are TRYING to find twins.
    Wiley recently posted..Happiness and Fear

    [Reply]

    Carol Reply:

    My girls look pretty different to me. Buttercup still has her baby fat and a super round face. Sparkles has a more spunky, grown-up look. But to people who aren’t their Mom, they look alike, at least that is what people say. I think people like the idea of twins, maybe secretly we wish we were a twin, it is nice to think of having someone so close.

    [Reply]

  2. Sydney

    That must be very painful. Does Sparkles or Buttercup have knowledge of Grace? I could only imagine what they might say in response.

    [Reply]

    Carol Reply:

    They have heard Grace’s name now and then, but they don’t know who she was or her story. Sparkles has experienced the death of her Great Grandma, but it is much harder to explain the death of a child, especially a sister. We don’t try to keep it a secret either, so when she hears something and she asks, we’ll tell her.

    [Reply]

  3. Julie

    Hugs… I don’t think this falls in the realm of overly-insensitive comments by folks, but it makes sense that it causes you pain. I’m sorry! People do love twins.

    [Reply]

    Carol Reply:

    I agree, I don’t think people were being insensitive, they were just being friendly. Sometimes how something feels is different than how it was meant.

    [Reply]

    Julie Reply:

    I know what you mean- at least once a day (and on bad days, all day) someone says something that makes me want to cry about my girl. And I have the same feelings you do, wanting to explain but it seems too heavy for most everyday conversation. But then sometimes people say something they would never say if they knew the story and that they might feel awful for if they do. And it feels like my fault for not telling them.

    [Reply]

  4. Michelle B

    Your girls have a special angel watching over them.

    [Reply]

    Carol Reply:

    Yes, they do. Thanks.

    [Reply]

  5. Bryony Gomez-Palacio

    While my story is somewhat different the having to explain a death within minutes of meeting someone is surely an awkward downer, but I can honestly say it gets easier with time. And with time, your precious girls will also find their own individuality that will allow them to stand apart from each other among strangers (or people who barely know them).

    On a practical note, when meeting someone new, you can introduce them as Sparkles and her “little” sister Buttercup—at least while Buttercup allows it…

    Hang in there.

    [Reply]

    Carol Reply:

    That’s a great idea, I’m going to try that out.

    [Reply]

Leave a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared.

(required)

CommentLuv badge