There isn’t anything else quite like it, the instant that you know – I’m going to have a car accident.
I was by myself, driving south on Airport Blvd, in the rain, in the left lane.
In the next instant, there was a car directly in front of me.
He came from no where, no blinker, no transition to my lane, no warning.
I was going full speed.
He was braking.
There was no where else to go.
It wasn’t hard enough.
I hit his car.
He pulled away some.
Then he braked again.
I hit him again.
I was on his bumper, pushing him forward, when we both finally came to a stop.
Then I saw what he wanted.
He had cut over and stopped fast so he could turn left.
He turned left and sped off.
#$% $#$%#$%#$%@#$@#$@@. You don’t #$%#%$% do that #%$%. A #$@ #$@# left turn? Really? That was so @#$ #$% important?
I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a Dad. Moms and Dads don’t do that $#%#. They know what is important and it isn’t a @#$ %$## left turn. (This might not be true, but I like to think it anyway.)
My car was mostly OK. I got to where I was going. I know what is important. Everything important is OK too.
(All our kids are doing great! I have to say that, even though it tells the ending at the beginning, but my family wouldn’t appreciate the suspense!)
Do you ever feel deeply grateful and very worried at the same time about the same thing?
Last month, Sparkles had an emergency room visit (thank you, Dell Children’s, for the wagons!), followed later in the week with minor surgery and wound care, because of a sore that got infected.
When we were in the emergency room, three kids came in from a car accident and doctors and nurses rushed about, in that urgent kind of way. Being in the emergency room brings to mind all kinds of reasons why a child might be there and I knew Sparkles’ situation was temporary and not serious. I was grateful to have such healthy girls.
In the surgeon’s office later in the week, the surgeon explained how Sparkles would be put under, all the way under, completely asleep, so the sore could be drained. Maybe this was the most minor surgery out of all surgeries, maybe the surgeon could have done it his first day after college graduation, after a few beers, but there is something unnerving about any kind of surgery for your baby girl. I worried. I wanted to hold her all day long, even during the surgery, which is apparently against the rules.
All is well now. The wound has healed and we are back to a regular routine. That is just part of the parenting journey I think, the ebb and flow of gratefulness and worry, hopefully being grateful more of the time. I’m grateful for the wagons, the doctors, the Grandparents and most of all for Sparkles, who was tough-as-nails, pulling off the gauze and tape by herself by the end. Today is a day to be grateful. Amen.
Photo of the guitars at the Austin airport baggage claim courtesy of The Resident Advisor
I told y’all how airplanes that shake and rock and tip and drop make me worry, but I can’t let him see me worry.
There is a lot of turbulence on flight home from Minneapolis. The last time this happened, I held hands with the woman next to me, closed my eyes and took, long, deep breaths.
The young man sitting next to me is going into the 7th grade. His name is Mike. He is scared. He feels sick. He thinks he is going to throw up.
This isn’t a good time for me to look worried or ask to hold his hand while I take deep breaths so I can worry less about the impending crash.
I talk with him some about his school and where he lives. Then I ask him, “Does it help to talk or do you want me to be quiet?” He doesn’t answer, he just closes his eyes and holds the bag closer to his mouth.
His parents are one row back and on the other side of the aisle. They are comforting him. A young woman directly across the aisle offers him gum. A man in front of us offers him his Game Boy. I tell him that once we get out of the clouds, it will get better, and it does.
It helped me, to help him, instead of worry about me. Blue Eyes and the girls picked me up at the airport and all the hugs took ten minutes at least. It is very good to be home, no more worries for now.